do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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