I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
