Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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