hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
