dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
