I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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