you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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