quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
