so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
