the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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