he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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