haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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