I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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