so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
