Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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