I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
