We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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