I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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