I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
