that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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