I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We need to rekindle our bromance
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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