I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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