She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
