I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
