its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
