Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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