1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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