so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
