i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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