Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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