no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
