whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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