Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
