shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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