I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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