sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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