Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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