Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
