maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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