he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
