I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
