Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
