hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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