put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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