Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
