you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
