I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
