apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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