Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
