He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
