Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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