Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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