Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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