I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
