Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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