Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
