Your mouth is God's brothel.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
