Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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