there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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