im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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