Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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